29 November 2021

Rivals' Roundup, Matchday 13: Waiting for the other shoe to drop?

After another week in which just about every result seemed to go our way, it's starting to feel a little bit eerie. I'm not even going to list off the positive trends for fear of banjanxing the whole kit and caboodle. Instead, let's just savor the delicious taste of (most of) our rivals dropping points for another week. It's almost enough to make one believe that we have a chance at approaching something in the vicinity of relevance at some point in the not-too-far-off future, but let's not get ahead of ourselves. Instead, let's just see what's what among those who stand between us and a fourth-place finish.

28 November 2021

Arsenal 2-0 Newcastle: Ratings & MOTM Poll Results

 With a grand total of 578 votes, 36% selected Bukayo Saka as our MOTM against Newcastle, with 29% preferring Tomiyasu (whom we actually rated higher). The knives were out for Aubameyang, whom we rated an ugly 4.31 after a poor all-around performance capped by that ignominious miss. We'll have to examine Aubameyang's form, role, and future at some point soon. For now, though, let's just bask in the glow of a tidy win...

27 November 2021

Arsenal 2-0 Newcastle: Vote for Player Ratings & MOTM!

We waltzed to a pretty comfortable victory here, dominating possession and creating loads of chances, but we had to wait until the 56th minute to find the back of the net, with Saka nicking into the box to finish neatly from a Tavares pass. Ten minutes later, it was Gabriel Martinelli finishing beautifully, scoring from Tomiyasu's brilliant lob with a wonderful half volley. 66% possession and 23 shots taken, but I suppose some naysayers will point to our xG of 3.04 and wonder what went wrong. Still, it was a bit of a cakewalk and welcome respite after last week's drubbing. Without further ado, then, let's get to the poll!

26 November 2021

Resistable Force, Meet Movable Object.

Newcastle come to the Emirates on a positively Mancunian run of form (the red kind, not the blue), having lost three of their last six, and they've joined the cool clubs' club of manager sackings. Whether new manager Eddie Howe can convince Toon to stop shipping goals like they're promotional giveaways at a charity auction will be one of the questions of the day. Key to Howe's strategy, surely, will be to let Arsenal be Arsenal, which is to say, "continue being about as toothless going forward as an octogenarian former boxer." Only six clubs have scored fewer goals than we have. To have still managed to take 20 points while scoring just 13 goals in 12 matches is a strange kind of wizardry. No club has conceded more goals than Newcastle. Watching this match could end up like an episode of the Keystone Kops.

22 November 2021

Rivals Roundup, Matchday 12: in which Arsenal are all but relegated already...

Sadio Mane, who should have been sent off...
After a heady Saturday that saw just about every result go our way, we went into Anfield out the back of a ten match unbeaten streak as if this would somehow handicap the score. One thing's clear: the top three spots are all but sewn up, and the race for fourth and fifth are a complete crapshoot. Six, maybe seven clubs can stake legitimate claims (of varying degrees of legimitacy, it must be mentioned). A few managerial shakeups continue a trend that might just rival vagina-scented candles or humorous social-distancing themed t-shirts as one of the top trends of 2021. As with any weekend, exisential ennui will probably be even more persistent than the scuzz that accumulates in the lid of your reusable coffee mug's lid. So it goes. Let's get to it.