25 October 2014

Sunderland 0-2 Arsenal: Alexis does it all on his own [with video].

Alexis, perhaps parodying his one-man show, scored two unassisted goals, each from horrendous Sunderland errors, to deliver a win that was much tighter than the scoreline suggests. Vito Mannone reprised his nightmarish performance of a week ago, muffing a clearance that Alexis tucked home in extra time—Arsenal's seventh such goal of the season, but the first one that didn't change the outcome of the match. There's something in this one for everyone: a win and a clean-sheet for the optimists, a lucky couple of goals against an overmatched side for the pessimists. Either way, three points collected. Have a gander at the highlights below...

24 October 2014

Maybe we should sell Özil...

What a waste of money. He's been nicking a living for some time now, What's more, he's starting to come across as a flat-track bully, what with his only goal and two assists coming against our weakest opponents to date (an assist in the 4-1 win over Galatasaray, a goal and and an assist in the 0-3 win over Villa, for those keeping score at home). A peek beyond those two performances suggests that Özil might be bred for finer (read: more-delicate) environs than the Prem. His style, his strengths, and his weaknesses may not be a good match for Arsenal or, for that matter, the Prem. For the right price, maybe we shouldsell him—just so long as we sell him at a profit and send him far, far away.

22 October 2014

Arsène is a diabolocial, passive-aggressive sadist. There. I said it.

After yet another dramatic, death-defying, last-minute positive result (we're counting draws as positive results these days, if only because there are so damned many of them), I've come to a startling, perhaps shocking realization. It's so stunningly simple that I'm surprised none of us have hit on it before. All the pieces fit. It all makes sense, if only in retrospect. Many of us can find no fault with Arsène: he's a purist and a paladin but a victim of darker, fiendish forces beyond his control. Just as many of us can find no virtue in the man: he's an anachronism bereft of new ideas and ossified to old ones. Somewhere 'twixt the two, however, lies the truth. That truth? Arsène is playing us all, even his opponents and nemeses, as patsies, as pawns in a much larger game. Even as I put these words to print, I can hear the hired goons tromping up the steps to silence me, but the truth must be told.

Anderlecht 1-2 Arsenal: the Cardiac Kids strike again!

What is it with Arsenal? After conceding the match's first goal for the eighth time in 14 matches, Kieran Gibbs scored from a sumptuous Calum Chambers cross and Lukas Podolski scored our sixth stoppage-time goal to steal all three points from Anderlecht. I don't know which is worse, that we're so leaky so early or so determined so late. In either case, you can take in the highlights below; we'll take a deeper look at the how's and the why's later...

21 October 2014

We're doomed against Anderlecht, doomed...

There's no easy way to put this, Gooners, so I'll just go ahead and spell it out for you. We're doomed. There is simply now way that we will emerge from our trip to Anderlecht with anything but an embarrassing result. As all of the headlines of the last 24 hours have incontorvertibly explained, we'll have no choice but to play 17-year old Ryan Huddart at all eleven positions simultaneously, what with actual injuries to the likes of Ospina, Özil, Giroud, Sanogo, Koscielny, and Debuchy, plus imagined injuries to the likes of Wilshere, Walcott, Diaby, and Gnabry. Worse, we're facing off against the Chelsea of the Jupiler League: Anderlecht, like Chelsea, are undefeated in league play. By the law of transitive (or is it commutative?) properties, we have no choice but to lose ingloriously in Belgium.