Arsenal 4-0 Everton: Vote for Player Ratings & MOTM!

Now that's more like it. After weeks of wobble and unconvincing performances, we needed some catharsis to purge ourselves of the ennui that had settled in. Enter Everton, the near-perfect foil. Despite their keeping eight or nine outfield players inside the 18, we carved them open, first as Zinchenko sprung Saka free to leather it past Pickford from a tight angle. Then, in the stoppage time that Pickford himself had created (seriously - he took 20-25 seconds any time he had the ball), Saka played Martinelli through on goal. He was at first flagged offside, but VAR overruled it and we went in to halftime up 2-0. The second half was more of the same as Everton actually tried to get up the pitch to find a goal, and it started to feel we had an extra man. If anything, the scoreline flattered our visitors and we could have won by six or seven. No need to get greedy, though. We battered badly enough as it is. Well, anyway, here's the link for the ratings & MOTM poll. Live results are here, and that nifty graphic will be available tomorrow.

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Hey, Marmite Manager. Welcome to the Emirates.

Well, well, well. Look at what we have here—a chance to avenge a loss just three weeks later. Seanie, you self-proclaimed Marmite manager, your "new manager bounce" has lasted all of about 90 minutes before fading away. I have to admit, Mr. Dyche, that I'm full of mixed emotinos here. On one hand, it's you I can't stand. Let's add in Maupay. Can't stand ya. On the other hand, I like Everton. Well, "like" is too strong a word. Let's say instead that I dislike you less than I dislike Liverpool. That makes us friends of a sort, I suppose. Having said all that, though, we have a score to settle with you, literally as well as figuratively.

Everton 1-0 Arsenal: Player Rating & MOTM Poll Results

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53.7% of 614 voters gave our MOTM award to No One, who I believe is an Academy product making his first appearance in the top flight. In all seriousness, it's no surprise that so many of us felt this way after the goose egg we laid at Goodison. It's not just the result it but the nature of it; we never really seemed to find any traction and were outplayed for most of the match. The mood emanating from the squad afterward is a mixture of disappointment and defiance, and the mood emanating from fans seems to swing from despair to hope hourly. No one, except Arteta, escaped our wrath, with the highest-player rating of 5.74 going to Ramsdale. Arteta's 5.98 feels very generous considering how poorly prepared we seemed and how little our tactics changed over the course of the match. Ah, well. Let's put this behind us and move on.

Well, liquidate us and hand Man City the title. It's over.

1-0 to the Everton. Hm. Doesn't sound quite right on numerous levels. Still, they kicked us off the park and earned those three points. They were the better side—so much better, in fact, that they've exposed us once and for all as the frauds and pretenders that we've been since matchday one. It's now clear to all us deluded Gooners (is that a redundant term? It seems so...) just as it's been clear to every level-headed observed from Gary Neville to any Spud. Clearly, we've been riding on luck, and that luck has run out. It's only a matter of time before we tumble down the table to join the likes of Liverpool and Chelsea in midtable mediocrity. [shudder]. That is after all our level and it's about time we regress to the mean.

Everton 1-0 Arsenal: Vote for Player Ratings & MOTM.

Well, in the end, it was another former Burnley man who made the difference as James Tarkowski headed home from a corner to secure a shock win for Everton. Well, maybe not a shock, given that Everton outplayed us for long stretches, showing early signs that Dyche has reinvigorated this squad. They hustled and harried and harassed, and, for the first time in a long time, we really could not respond or rise to the occasion. It's a dispiriting result, considering the yawning gulf between us and them, but we had to know that we'd be facing a Toffees side different to the one that had won only three matches going into this one. For Dyche, it's only the second time in 16 tries that he's found a win against us, meaning he'll probably experience something akin to joy, or at least less misery than he's accustomed to. Well, the less said for now, the better. Let's get to the poll and rate the lads. If you want to see results as they roll in, click here. A nifty little graphic will be available later.

Let's make Sean Dyche miserable!

Ha. Joke's on me. He's already miserable, and that's not a joke at Everton's expense. I don't know if I've ever come across a more-miserable manager. Then again, I'd be miserable too if I had spent the last ten years of my life trying to manage Burnley, who somehow succeeded in making me fond for the good old days when it was Stoke's players who were maiming our players. That felt like a good old-fashioned rivalry, full of top-shelf bantz and good-natured...wait. Somewhere in the midst of taking the piss out of Dyche, I lost track and missed the mark. Let's re-focus here. Dyche may have been appointed on Monday, but that will have been enough time to instill his, um, tactics in the squad.

If you dislike Arsenal's January business, read this...

Some folks, it must be said, are only ever happy when they have something to complain about. It's as true as it is paradoxical, and Gooners are hardly immune to it. Hell, there are Chelsea fans who are apoplectic about their club's dealings, and Boehly's spent close to £600m in the last six months. Apparently, signing enough players to field an entirely new starting XI just isn't enough for some people. Perhaps they can freak out over the fact that they can only register three of those new signings for their Champions League squad. However, that's not what we're here to discuss. We have an actual match to prepare for, and our visitors, already joint-botttom of the table, have decided to sell rather than buy and—get this—hire Sean Dyche (speaking of people who are only ever happy when they're complaining...).

Arsenal prepare a SHOCK move for Evertonian...AND, um, an Ironian?

With news that Everton have finally sacked Frank Lampard, the vultures are circling the Merseyside corpse. Who among the current squad is worth poaching? With the Toffees looking to stave off relegation for the first time since 1931, it's quite possible that they'll be looking to sell of some assets to be reinvested in reinvigorating the squad during the run-in. Amadou Onana, the 21 year old Belgian would tick off quite a few boxes—young, versatile, desired by Chelsea—and he could very well offer some depth and rotation to a squad eagerly awaiting all of that and more. What would it take to pry the defensive midfielder away from Everton, who are circling the drain?

Arsenal 2-0 Everton—Vote for Player Ratings & MOTM!

Lacazette and Aubameyang scored goals within three minutes of each other, both assisted by Ramsey to create some breathing space between us and the Toffees in what was otherwise a bit of an indifferent match. Čech finally found us a clean sheet, having had to deny strong chances from Walcott and Richarlison. We were again too open in the back, and we offered too many openings to Everton to exploit. Still, there's something to be said for winning even when not playing well. At some point, sooner rather than later, we'll have to start actually playing well. For now, the result is enough to see us overtake Man U to climb into sixth, level on points with Tottenham. Enjoy that while it lasts, and let's get down to the poll!

Arsenal 5-1 Everton—Vote for Player Ratings & MOTM!

Phew. That match has left me and, I assume, all of you, exhausted and spent. The debuts of Henrikh Mkhitaryan and Pierre-Emerick Aubemeyang might have been even sexier than imagined, with the Armenian notching three assists and the Gabonese oening his account in fine fashion. This one was almost over before it had even begun as we found three goals in the first twenty minutes. Along with their statistical contributions, our new signings seem to have elevated everyone's confidence. The only open question was whether Petr Čech would get his 200th clean sheet. Sadly, the answer is no. Ramsey did get a hat-trick, though, and we waltzed to the win. Who knows? This result—and those signings—might be just enough to launch us a tidy little run. Let's set that aside, though, and rate the lads!

Wengerball, revived—this time, with actual purpose!

Finally. For the first time in this tumultuous, topsy-turvy campaign, we finally went out and absolutely battered an opponent. Yes, yes, there are the small matters of allowing Rooney to score—although, let's face facts: that has more to do with being polite to our hosts than anything else. It would be rude of us to say the least to arrive at Goodison Park so soon after Rooney deigned to return there himself without letting him score. There are social niceties to uphold, after all. Good on him for reminding Evertonians of what might have been had he not bolted at the first chance. I will say though that we were more than a bit generous in gifting a second late one. That almost takes a bit too far, akin to being invited to dinner only to stay long enough to do the dishes and walk the dog. So be it. Arsenal finally found a way to thrash someone.

Everton 2-5 Arsenal—Vote for Player Ratings/MOTM!

Arch-nemesis Wayne Rooney scored just 12 minutes in—his 15th against Arsenal, most against any club—and it was starting to feel like we'd again dominate possession and pass it about without ever really finishing a sequence. All of our shots, it seemed, were straight at Pickford, until, finally, Nacho Monreal lashed in a rebound from close range. This seemed to take the air out of Koeman's side, and shortly after halftime, Alexis found Özil gliding into the box. After having created a half-dozen chances for others, Özil glanced his header past Pickford to make it 1-2. Referee Craig Pawson finally saw fit to send Gana off after a series of late tackles, and that's where the wheels came off. Lacazette and Ramsey scored nifty goals to just about kill it off. A sloppy late goal for Everton offered small consolation for the hosts, but Alexis sliced one more in to leave no doubt. Let's get down to the poll!

Arsenal 3-1 Everton: Vote for Player Ratings/MotM!

A brave ten-man Arsenal overcame a spirited Everton side to win 3-1, but it won't be enough to scratch into the top four as Liverpool defeated Middlesbrough 3-0. We've seen numerous streaks end, then: finishing in the top four, qualifing for Champions League, and finishing above Tottenham. All good things, of course, must come to an end. Back to the match: goals from Bellerin, Alexis, and Ramsey were enough to at least end the Prem season on a high note, with only Lukaku's penalty to deny us the clean sheet. We'll go into the FA Cup final on a solid run, five straight on the bounce, with a chance at claiming silverware. First, though, get down to the poll to give the lads what they deserve!

Can Arsenal count on Everton to roll over?

There's a toxic mix of ingredients swirling around the final match-day of the season, as all twenty clubs square off. Most of the vital positions are locked in—Sunderland, Middlesbrough, and Hull are relegated; Chelsea have won the Prem, and Tottenham and Man City round out the top three positions. Still hanging in the balance then is that fourth position, currently occupied by Liverpool. They'll host the aforementioned and relegated Middlesbrough and need a win to secure that top-four finish. Arsenal, meanwhile, harbor dreams of overtaking those Scousers. Can we rely on Everton to do us a favor?

Everton 0-2 Arsenal—Vote for Player Ratings/MotM Poll!

Danny Welbeck got Arsenal off to a much-needed strong start, scoring through a beautiful sequence just seven minutes in, and Alex Iwobi opened his Arsenal account just before halftime by running onto an audaciously lofted ball from Bellerín and slotting right under Robles. The second half opened with Everton showing a bit more intent and aggressiveness, signified by Lukaku sliding into Ospina, who needed assistance but stayed in despite wincing and limping for most of the rest of the match. For what it's worth, that also signified referee Mark Clattenburg's resistance to warning or booking anyone wearing Everton blue on the day. Imagine what might have happened had Gareth Barry had been available. Be that as it may, Arsenal found a vital three points to draw just a bit closer to Tottenham and Leicester (perhaps Palace and Bournemouth can each do us a solid...).  We're back to winning ways; get down to the poll to rate our lads!


UPDATE: something has hijacked the poll. Please check back later, after I've had a chance to investigate the cause.

Arsenal set up to salvage a season against enervated Everton...

Can it be the international break already? Please? The last few weeks have been especially unkind to Arsenal, what with getting dumped out of the Champions League and FA Cup and winning just once in our last eight outings. It's hard to believe that just a month ago, there was distant talk of a treble, but that talk has slowed to a trickle as Arsenal face not only a season without significant silverware, but one in which we might finish below Tottenham for the first time since 1995. And so we go into Goodison Park clinging to slender hopes of resurrecting something from a season that feels like it's teetering on the edge of catastrophe.

Let's all laugh at Chelsea, the gift that keeps on giving!

Never mind what's going on with Arsenal; this has been a glorious week when it comes to our erstwhile enemies. Not only did Chelsea crash out of the Champions League courtesy of PSG (thanks in some small part to the sale to the same of David "don't call me Sideshow Bob" Luiz), they also crashed out of the FA Cup in ignominious fashion, watching all but helplessly as one-time loanee-cum transfer Romelu Lukaku rampaged to a brace to secure Everton's advancement to the semis. Toss in Diego Costa's first-ever red card in the Prem, and we have a schadenfreude-sundae that's fit to be served. Of course, all of this and a ticket to the FA Cup semifinal gets Arsenal to the FA Cup semifinal, so let's not get ahead of ourselves. Let's indulge, if only for a little bit.

Arsenal 2-1 Everton: Vote for Player Ratings & MotM!

Arsenal struck twice off of glancing headers, one from Giroud and one from Koscielny, inside of two minutes to take a lead, but Everton pulled one back on a deflected shot just before halftime. Despite throwing everything but the kitchen sink at Arsenal in the second half, Everton just couldn't find the equaliser. We had numerous chances of our own but just couldn't put our shots anywhere but off-target or straight at Tim Howard. Four minutes of stoppage time gave us a manic sequence in which Howard had to chase the ball around the box before it was cleared, leading to a manic counter that Gabriel snuffed with a sharp tackle on Lukaku. That's where it ended, and Arsenal rise to the top of the Prem table for the first time in twenty months. Give our lads what they deserve in the poll below!

Can Arsenal climb to first in the Prem? Everton stand in the way...

Few clubs have had a tougher start to their season than Everton. Recent weeks have seen them draw at White Hart Lane, demolish Chelsea 3-1, earn a 1-1 Merseyside derby draw...and get thrashed 0-3 by Manchester United. There may not be a more-schizophrenic squad than this one, and that's saying something, coming from a Gooner. At a broader level, though, it's difficult to discern which club we'll face: will it be the 2013-14 outfit, the one that pushed us to the brink before settling for fifth place, or will it the 2014-15 crew, the one that flirted with relegation before climbing to 11th?

Čech books his place in the pantheon of Arsenal legends...

Everton were offering only the most dilatory attempts testing our newly signed keeper until 'round about the 40th minute, when Everton got a free kick way out by the touch-line, and Garbutt sent in an in-swinging cross, almost perfectly placed to the penalty spot—far enough from the goal line to prevent Čech coming off his line to claim it, close enough to allow his teammate to seize it—and sure enough, Naismith, that infuriating albino, latched onto it with a glancing header. Had it been Ospina or Szczęsny, we'd have witnessed the equaliser and a very different second half. However, Čech, falling backwards, got fingertips to it enough to deflect it off the crossbar, almost instantaneously earning himself a spot as best Arsenal keeper since Seaman.