26 November 2022

Arsenal plan SHOCK move for new transfer target! Mudryk? Danilo? Nope. Hard pass.

Which player should Arsenal pony up for? Will it be Mykhaylo Mudryk, the Ukrainian speed-demon who has apparently outgrown the Ukrainian Premier League and is ready for the real Premier League (that's the British one, for anyone asking)? Will it instead be Danilo, the Brazilian defensive midfielder starring for Palmeiras? Arsenal have been heavily and frequently if not accurately linked with a move for both, but each may end up being nothing more than a red herring to Edu and Arteta's master-plan: the signing of the American Yunus Musah, the 20 year old (okay, so he's 19 until he's 20...on 29 November), had to have set some salivation in motion with his performance, earning the USMNT a crucial draw in what was supposed to be cakewalk for the Three Lions.

25 November 2022

Gooners FURIOUS after buying "wrong" Brazilian!

Just doin' what he does on a weekly basis...
After Richarlison single-handedly demolished Serbia on Thursday, Gooners around the world were left ghashing their teeth and rending their garments. A long-simmering doubt, one that had been eating at the fanbase since the summer, finally reached a boiling point after the "wrong" Brazilian's brace revealed to those fans the folly of having signed Gabriel Jesus when the club could have gotten Richarlison. Making matters worse, the scintillating striker has gone to Tottenham, where he will no doubt continue this goal-scoring rampage, picking up, in fact, right where he apparently left off before this international break. Edu and Arteta have been exposed as the inexperienced charlatans that they really are.

23 November 2022

Apparently, Giroud was the striker we needed all along...

Oh, how wrong we were, those of us who slated Olivier Giroud. We hated on him. We doubted him. We insulted and derided him, and now comes our comeuppance. Surely, we will line up dutifully to eat our slice of humble pie or crow or whatever it is one does when one is caught out being so thoroughly wrong. Wrong we all were then, when we blamed him for his goal drought that allowed Leicester to win the Prem. What other conclusion is there to draw from the fact that he's now equalled Thierry Henry for goals scored for the French national team? For those who still doubt his bona fides, he's done it in eight fewer matches than Henry needed. This proves clearly and unequivocally, throughout the space-time continuum, throughout the multiverse, that Giroud is the best Frenchman to play for Arsenal or the French national team. Full stop. End of.

22 November 2022

Just give Bukayo Saka a blank contract and let him fill it in.

This is unlikely to be the last trophy he earns...
Okay, okay, so bagging a brace against the likes of Iran is hardly evidence that Bukayo Saka has announced his arrival on the world stage. The Iranians, already overmatched going in, lost their keeper to a nasty head-to-head collision with his own teammate and, what's more, may have been a bit unnerved by their "is it a protest?" silence during their country's national anthem before the match. FIFA might book a player for wearing a rainbow armband, but the Iranian government may come down somewhat more heavily on what may have been a gesture in support of the anti-government protests going on back home. Still, at a risk of glossing over these weighty issues, we simply have to acknowledge the transcendent talent we have in our squad, and, what's more, it's time to offer him a rather large pay rise to ensure that he's here for years to come.

21 November 2022

Time to swoop for de Jong, I guess...if we must...

Normally, you think of the world's biggest clubs as being, for the most past sane. Prudent. Responsible, if a little profligate with the spending. All in all, though, we expect them to be sober. By and large, all of them are. Well, almost all of them There's always that one outlier, the one at the end of the bar at last call who can offer you the night of your life or the one who will boil your pet rabbit on the stove. Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, I introduce you to FC Barcelona, sometimes known as Barça, sometimes known as mes que un club. For those out of the loop, they're also known to be....well, what is the colloquialism I'm looking for? Ah, yes. Bat-sh*t. How else to explain the driving out of a club legend and scorer of 672 goals in 778 appearances? 

20 November 2022

Poor Pep clutches his pearls as Arteta considers poaching more players...

Okay, so it's an unsourced report, but Football Insider claims that "it is now believed that Guardiola’s side will reject any potential further offers from Arsenal for players who would go straight into their team." It has all of the outward appearances of being complete common sense dressed up as a scoop, but it does conjure up some delicious images of Guardiola furrowing his brow as he wonders who among his current squad see the playing time their former teammates are getting at Arsenal and might start to feel a bit restless at being accessories rather than actual players. Whatever Guardiola and others at Man City have or haven't said, it would be more than a bit rich for either to whinge about Arsenal poaching their players.