19 November 2022

Cesc was a bigger snake than van Persie could ever be...

 ...and I dare you to prove me wrong. During the shiny, happy international break about which no one anywhere has anything remotely resembling a complaintTM', we have some time on our hands to revisit old gripes and issues. To white, we're here to judge once and for all why Cesc Fàbregas on his best day is a bigger snake in the grass than Robin van Persie ever could be on his worst. 

They share some similarities, to be sure. Each jilted us in a horrible fashion, confirming the worst rumours about the club's ambitions and undermining Wenger's plans in the worst possible ways, but, at the same time, heaping our scorn on van Persie is taking the effect and making it the cause.

18 November 2022

Edu's BBQ reaches fever pitch! He's like a new signing! He's...

It's like a new signing, in a way, as Arsenal have officially Edu's new position as the club's first-ever sporting director, which sounds not so much a promotion (although it does expand his responsibilities somewhat) as it is a recognition of the expanding role he's played since his appointment as the club's first-ever echnical director back in July 2019. In addition, it recognizes how well he's performed in that role, overseeing an overhaul of the squad, clearing out all sorts of deadwood and making astute deals. The proof is the pudding, of course, as we are top of the league with room to grow. Such has been his success that Barcelona, that remorseless eatin' machine, had come sniffing around. This promotion serves than as proverbial middle finger in their general direction just as it solidifies Edu's role and future right here.

Dear Piers Morgan, sod off (and take Ronaldo with you).

My dear friend and (dare I say it), colleague, for, after all, are not we not both wordsmiths, spinners of tales, like the bards of olde? (The extra e is to indicate "days of yore".), Where was I? Ah, yes—some things that should not have been forgotten were lost. History became legend. Legend became myth. Pundit became, well, I'll leave off for there and let imagination step in. In the wake of this juicy, splashy Ronaldo-spills-tea 16-part miniseries, I've used up my annual allotment of hyphens. Along the way, Piers, you seem to believe that you have become legend...in your own mind, at least, if not on Twitter. To be frank, I don't really care one whit about Ronaldo making his case on your channel or program or station. You call yourself a Gooner, and I can't abide that. 

17 November 2022

It's Giroud's fault we didn't win the Prem in 2016.Really? Hmmm...

The moment when it seemed to come together...

One of the more-pernicious myths out there is that it was Olivier Giroud's fault that we failed to win the 2015-16 Prem title. Giroud was and remains a convenient scapegoat; after all, he did fail to score in fifteen consecutive matches from January to May as we slumped to a second place finish behind Leicester. In a year in which 81 points was enough to win the Prem, we finished on...71. Surely, a striker who scored just 16 goals all season deserves the brunt of the blame, if not all of it? With the international break upon us, let's revisit this hoary old cliche.

16 November 2022

Arteta eviscerates his squad...

Well, "eviscerate" might be excessive, but the Spaniard did have some strong words on the season. Talking about the club's fortunes and the development of a young squad still exploring its potential despite some exciting early returns, Arteta spoke frankly and directly as he assessed our chances at challenging for the Prem title. We're a little more than a third of the way through the season, and, with this completely conveniently scheduled mid-season Winter World Cup, about which absolutely no one has any quibbles whatsoever, we have some time to do a little bit of navel-gazing, a little bit of soul-searching.

With that in mind, then, let's delve into Arteta's forthright assessment.

15 November 2022

Ronaldo to Arsenal? We'd be crazy not to!

After the bombshell revelation that Cristiano Ronaldo feels disrespected by Man U and sees no future at the club, it wasn't long before "Ronaldo to Arsenal" started trending on Twitter, and if there's a gold standard for good journalishm, it's what is trending on Twitter. At first, I'll admit, when I found out about this, I went through a wide range of emotions: first I was nervous, then anxious, then wary, then apprehensive, then kinda sleepy, then worried, and then concerned. But now I realize that signing Ronaldo is something we have to do. If nothing else, he's burned his bridges there. Wouldn't it be something to see him to join this young, up-and-coming squad? He could be just what we need to lay to rest once and for all those nagging questions if our title-tilt is legit.

14 November 2022

Rivals' Roundup—it's over. Give the trophy to Arsenal.

In which my quest for an original graphic may have gone awry...
There is not an ounce of piss being taken in that blogpost title, friends. I am deadly serious; it is in no way a hyperbolic, tongue-in-cheek mocking of where we stand (and will stay until Boxing Day, if not longer). "Top of the league during a six-week mid-season break for the World Cup, you'll never sing that if only because everyone hates this World Cup and they'll never do it like this again!" Hm. Doesn't quite roll off the tongue as it should. Anyway, it was a topsy-turvy matchday 16 in which not a single club has played 16 matches with Man City's shock loss at home to Brentford, Tottenham and Man U finding miraculous late wins, and Newcastle grinding out another win as they climb slowly if inexorably into the title chase. Right. Let's get to it...

13 November 2022

Gooners, do NOT celebrate. We know how Wolves hate that...

Simmer down, simmer down, y'all. Just because we won at Molineux to strengthen our spot top of the table and send Wolves bottom of the table should mind their manners and keep any untowards over-exuberance in check. It's poor form. It's better to simply nod politely, adjust one's spectacles, and get on with the business of the day. Indeed, it is in fact a sign of one's moral superiority to not lord it over one's inferiors, to instead accept such outcomes as a reinforcement of the Great Chain of Being decreed by the Almighty Himself.