16 April 2016

Time to put Pardew—and Palace—in their place...

We're into a tetchy, bum-clenching time of year when we have to anxiously assess not only our rivals' ambitions but those of the squads fighting relegation. So it is with Crystal Palace. Though they may look to be safe, they have to know that every point matters. Think of the time and energy you've put into figuring out how we might overtake Tottenham or hold off Man City. Parallel-universe calculations are coming out of Selhurst Park. Leave that to them, though. We know full-well that we have to smash them to keep alive our slender hopes of Champions League qualification, not to mention a St. Totteringham's Day.

15 April 2016

Adebayor eagerly plots his return to the Emirates...

SOUTH NORWOOD, LONDON—Alan Pardew's lads had just finished a spirited training session, the kind all but guaranteed to ward off relegation. They had after all earned positive results of late, what with an away-draw with high-flying West Ham, victory at home over Norwich, and another draw against prolific Everton. As the players ambled off the pitch, all eyes were on one former Gunner, one who has long had a score to settle with his former club. Emmanuel Adebayor meandered on over to reminisce with another former Gunner about what once was and what might yet still come pass.

12 April 2016

Six matches. Eighteen points available. Can Arsenal still catch Tottenham?

With just a few weeks left in the season, Leicester have quietly morphed into a stubborn, George Graham-esque side that calmly grinds out 1-0 results and looks like they've sewn up first place. Hot on their heels (but not hot enough), Tottenham could conceivably end the season with a goal difference figure larger than the goals scored by many squads. Such is the madness that this season has been. Trailing them, of course, is our beloved Arsenal, nervously hoping to reel in Tottenham while fending off Man City. Talk about upside-down. There's a three-point gap (assuming we make the most of our game in hand). Is there enough time to salvage something from the season that's looked like it might go off the rails?

10 April 2016

And it's Arsenal, not Arsène FC...

The writing's on the wall, now: with six fixtures left, Arsenal have to close a six-point gap on Tottenham or go without St. Totteringham's Day for the first time in Arsène Wenger's reign. It's been since 1995 that we've had to cancel a holiday that many Gooners had assumed was a birthright. 21 years—not that we're done counting, what with those six fixtures left. The younger ones among you—those who have known nothing but a guarantee that we would always finish above Tottenham come hell or high water—should remind themselves that this is a club, not man, and that the club has finished below Tottenham before. That Arsène hasn't ever done so is more his business than anyone else's.